time with God: boiling water in my backyard

i’ve been fortunate enough to marry into a pretty great family. picking a spouse is easy. picking a spouse without a crazy family, well, that’s a bit more difficult.

i’ve really enjoyed spending time with several of her cousins and getting to know them over the many years we’ve been together. it’s a pretty cool feeling being able to use the little you know about life, lessons you’ve learned from being a few steps further down the road of life, to pour into the life of a younger guy. and, if you’re lucky enough, sometimes they even take what you have to say to heart, which is pretty incredible. to think you can play even a small part in shaping who a person is. that’s the good stuff. and it’s a privilege.

one of my wife’s cousins, in particular, has really been great to get to know over the years. smart guy. very sociable and outgoing. the kind of guy the girls flock to, and the guys would like to be. we’ve had some great trips over the years. snowboarding, talking c.s. lewis. the good stuff.

after his high school graduation, we decided to do something as a way of celebrating his recent graduation and the next steps ahead of him, as he moved on to college. after some deliberation, we determined a camping trip would be just the trick. so we prepared. and by prepared, i mean i found people who knew how to camp and i listened. then i made a list. then i bought lots of cool camping things that made me feel a bit like someone else. then i packed.

thoughts over boiling water

i borrowed a campfire stove from a co-worker. the kind of co-worker who loves to get outdoors. the kind of co-worker who climbs mount kilamanjaro in her spare time. and no, that’s not an exaggeration.i always forget how embarrassing it is when we compare our weekend activities when monday morning rolls around. and, before i can cut myself off from asking what she did over the weekend, i’m left feeling like a nine-year old girl all over again.

since i have had very little experience with the whole camping experience, i figured i’d better make sure i was able to get the stove working before i got my wife’s cousin to the top of a mountain and wasn’t able to prepare any food.

so there i was, leaning back on my elbows under the blue and white fragmented sky in my backyard, the stove firing on all cylinders, waiting for the water to boil. it was a rare, quiet moment. a rare moment of not doing the next thing. it’s tough for me, but it’s the way i am. always filling my time with something. stopping is one of the most difficult things for me to do, and i know it’s unhealthy.

and it was then, as i lay there, watching the blue sky play peak-a-boo behind the white clouds in the quietness of a summer evening, that i heard the still small voice in my head say,

“seek Me, and you will find Me. and when you find Me, you will be filled with my presence.”

[on a side note, it wasn't until i began putting my thoughts down here that i realized how often this happens. not that it happens all the time, but it certainly must seem that way to someone reading this. (if you're still here, thanks. i promise most people don't think i'm crazy.)]

and this thought was met with a feeling of rest. of peace. of comfort. as if i had, for the first time in a very long time, reclined into an old, favorite chair.

this thought was followed by a familiar passage in scripture. one found in the book of John. it was about a stream of Living water being found in me, if i were to seek Him. and that this Living water would pour out from my life and into the lives of others. and It would fill them up, as It filled me up, and It would give them life.

here is the verse that had come to mind:

“Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, ‘if anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.’” (john 7: 37-39)

the unfolding conversation

and it was there, waiting on my water to boil, that i let this thought stir in my mind. finding rare solitude in His presence. allowing Him to indwell in my thoughts.

and as i lay there in my backyard, a question came to me. here’s how the conversation unfolded from there…

mental voice: what are you doing?

me: boiling water in my backyard.

mental voice: why?

me: well, i’m preparing for this weekend…

and i immediately felt myself pause. i had been caught completely off guard. caught by the fact that i had spent a significant amount of mental energy and time (neither of which are plentiful at this point in my life) in preparation for the coming weekend’s camping trip. and i was struck to the core by this thought because of the fact that i have spent so very little time as of late preparing for my life beyond this life. preparing for my trip to God’s Kindom, if you will. and that’s a trip i have even less experience with than camping.

time in His presence

i’ve been thinking quite a bit about my schedule lately. about how full my schedule is, to be specific.

were you to ask those who know me, they’d tell you i’m a pretty busy guy. and i hate that. i hate being known for having little time. i hate feeling like i have little time to do the things i want to do, to see the people i want to see, to spend time with those who i’ve neglected for so long. it’s tough telling family and friends that you just don’t have time to spend with them. and i don’t want to be that guy. i don’t want to look back on my life and regret where i spent my time (or where i didn’t spend it, for that matter).

and yet, one of my biggest struggles is that, as a believer in God, and a follower of His Son Jesus Christ, i devote very, very little of my time to being with Him. in prayer. in His Word. where i should be. and i hate that thought. i know such time is healthy. i know it’s what i need. and yet, i still make very little time for it. and that is exactly why i was convicted in my backyard, waiting for my water to boil. i’ve been spending very little time in preparation lately.

and, as my water began to boil, pouring steam from underneath the pan’s lid, i was excited to see the results of preparation. i was excited because i knew at that moment that, as i prepare for Him, by being with Him, that He will richly bless me with more and more of His presence. and He will bless me in a way that will allow His presence to pour out from me and bless others.

as i poured out my boiling water in the backyard and packed away my things for camping, i was content. content knowing that He was there, gently guiding me back into His presence. guiding me back to the place where i belong.

 

faith like a virus

a good friend of mine recently cleared out his dining room and put everything in storage so that one of his employees would have a place to live over the summer. it helped that the dining room was actually a bedroom to begin with. but he didn’t stop there. when he found out that this guy had never had new bedding his entire life, he went out and bought him an entire new setup. new bed. new bedding. and, when it came down to two comforters, a down comforter and an imitation down comforter, he decided to go with the down comforter, even though it represented a significant cost increase.

almost as if to defend his decision, he explained that he knew both comforters would be good enough, but it wasn’t about just giving this guy a bed that would be good enough. “ultimately, it’s not about me serving (this guy),” he explained, “it’s about me serving The Lord.”

i don’t know a whole lot about mother theresa. but when i hear or think of her name, my mind immediately pictures an older woman, worn hands, wrinkled smile, helping the poor in a village somewhere far from here. somewhere very unlike the conditions i am used to.

i heard something pretty interesting said of mother theresa years ago, though, something that has stuck with me ever since. i heard that she was once asked, “why do you love the poor so much?” and her response was quite shocking… “i don’t love the poor,” she was said to have responded. “i love Jesus Christ. but when i look at the poor, i see Christ.”

smile for a change

the other day i made a quick stop at the grocery store to pick up some dinner before coming home after work. as i entered through the double doors and made my way past the vast cheese selection, a man in an electric wheelchair crossed my path on the way to the eggs. he was a pretty rough looking man. more beard than legs. eyes heavy. the kind of man you would assume had received his injuries in battle. and as he passed in front of me, i was overcome by a smile. without being able to explain it any differently, it was my natural response. and, in turn, i received an incredibly warm and congenial smile from this man.

not that i am deserving sainthood for simply smiling at a stranger, but it seemed as though a simple smile, in that situation, was Christ’s way of working through my life to touch someone else (or was it the other way around?).

at one point in His ministry, Jesus told his disciples a story,

“…I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? when did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? when did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

the King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’”

faith that goes out

and i think that gets back to this quote from mother theresa. we are to love those in our life we come across, particularly the hungry, the stranger, those in need of clothes or just a friend. and we’re to love them because, through loving them, we are loving Christ.

when i look at my own life, and the love that i give to others, there’s certainly a pattern. typically, the amount of love that you receive from me is directly proportional to the amount of care, love, concern you show for me. almost as if to reciprocate the attention you have shown me. and, if that’s the case, if my love for you is dependent upon your love for me, then i could potentially live a very unloving life, which is a pretty scary thought. it’s the makings of a very lonely life, indeed.

and yet, Christ calls us to a very different lifestyle. one in which we love others not because of what they will do for us, or have done for us, but simply because, through doing so, we are loving Him. and that changes everything.

that changes the way i approach a disabled veteran in the grocery store. that changes the way i love family members who only seem to bring pain by the paths they’re walking. it changes the way i treat complete strangers, or the passerby on the sidewalk. it changes the way i treat the hungry. it changes the way i treat those who are cold or living broken lives.

but it’s not just about being ‘a nice guy,’ it’s not about just doing enough. for, if your love was about just doing enough, it would hardly be special. it would hardly make the recipient feel special. would a brand new synthetic down comforter be enough to keep someone warm and comfortable at night? absolutely! is it a step above, though? is it exceptional? for, if we are really serving Him, our acts of service should be more than ‘just enough.’

every opportunity

what would happen if you took every opportunity, every encounter and interaction with someone as an opportunity to show them the love of Christ? those you know. those you don’t.

what if you looked at every conversation as an opportunity to show that person how Christ listens to us?

what if you told others how much they mean to you (in the same way that God has told us how much we mean to Him)?

what if you encouraged those who need to be encouraged?

what if we lived life in a way that showed others that their life was more important to us than our own?

faith like a virus

i can’t help but think that that would make a difference. first in the lives of a few, but then in the lives of many. that, by seeing and experiencing this kind of lifestyle, others would want to follow and do the same for others. and that, through that, it would spread. it would spread and multiply in a way that changed the lives of many.

what if your faith was like a virus? a virus that gives life, rather than takes it away (what c.s. lewis called the “good infection“). what if your life changed the life next to you? what if it changed it for the better?

and, were we to be looking down on this picture from above, we could almost see it move and grow, like one of those diagrams that shows the spread of a virus. first across your town, then across the state and into the next, then moving even further.

i can’t help but think that’s the picture God gets to look down on and enjoy. smiling to Himself, knowing that it was the life of His Son that started it all.

 

blessings: moments of clarity

do you ever feel like life is flying by at the speed of light, only to stop suddenly, just long enough for you to take in all that surrounds you? all those things in your life that are there, but you routinely overlook? all those small blessings, the ones you take for granted? the things. the people.

man, i thank God for those brief moments of clarity. those moments when it seems like everything is suddenly brought into focus. i thank God for showing me all the little ways He provides hints of light in a dim world.

what a blessing

i recently had the fortune of overhearing something said that brought me just such a moment of clarity. and it came from the lips of someone i would never have guessed. but that’s just the way He works, isn’t it? precisely in ways we wouldn’t expect.

he was going through the food bank line, filling up his bags with canned goods, groceries and milk. and, as he approached the end of the line, he began filling his bags with produce. bananas, apples. bruised. aged. the kind that you and i would probably throw out. and, as he placed the blackened bananas into his bag, one by one, for they no longer were in a bunch, he looked across the table that the boxes of food sat on, directly into the eyes of the food bank volunteer standing there and, with a smile on his face, he said, “what a blessing.”

what a blessing.

what a blessing, indeed. more so for me than for him, whether he realized it or not. and he didn’t, of course, for i was standing across the room from him. taking the scene in. as i stood there, stealing from the conversation with my eyes and my ears.

and his comment instantly shook me into reality. shook me from the feelings of helplessness and ingratitude. feelings of being so far from His goodness and righteousness that i might never get back. shook me right back into seeing His light shining so brightly that it warmed me from the inside out. reminding me that He is still there. that He is still good. and that His love for me is one of the few things that hasn’t changed in my life over the past few months.

from moments

the truth is, i live an incredibly blessed life. from the clothes on my back to my fridge and cupboards filled with food (but not just any food, the food that i get to pick out, straight from the grocery store shelves. fresh food.). to the incredible friends. friends who care enough to just listen. to my loving family, to my beautiful, caring and supportive wife. all of which i don’t deserve. i could not deserve. and yet, He provides it still. day in and day out, whether i see it or not, it’s there. i am taken care of.

i pray that i would take from these moments of clarity days, weeks, months and even a life filled with thankfulness. thankfulness for His rich gifts. but, even more, thankfulness for Him. thankfulness for a promise that says, because of His sacrifice, i will spend eternity in the presence of love. His love. true love.

from moments into eternity, may His name be praised from my lips so that others may come to know just what a blessing He truly is. what a blessing.

 

new look, same great taste

hands&feet recently underwent a face lift, as you may have noticed. i’m not usually one for change, but a friend of mine recently encouraged me to post the ‘add this’ button to make it easier to pass along my writing, and the previous hands&feet design didn’t allow for this option. so, you’ll now find this button in the column on the right (’share hands&feet‘), which allows you to share any of the hands&feet entries with those who might get something out of it.

as always, thanks for reading, and thanks for your feedback!

 

auto shop: “the trouble with Christians is…”

if someone were to stick their head into an auto shop, one full of damaged cars with broken windshields, dented bumpers and other vehicles in the process of being taken apart, they might mistakenly say something like “well i am never using this shop, look at all these cars; they’re in terrible shape!”

the shop’s manager, if he were to overhear this statement, would respond, “no, no, no. these cars aren’t finished, I am still working on them. I’ve hardly touched this one yet, and there is much more time to be spent on this one. but you come back in a little while. you’ll be amazed to see what I’ve done!”

the trouble with Christians is…
i’ve heard many people say they have trouble with Christianity because they know someone who professes to be a Christian, but who lives a lifestyle that looks nothing like the Jesus they’ve read or heard about. someone who talks one way, but who lives a completely different way.

now, only The One who created each one of us, only He who really knows our hearts, may ever know whether such people are actually believers in His son, whether they actually desire to follow after Him. but, i still have trouble with this argument.

you see, Christians are simply sinners in the process of being made into God’s likeness.

a Christian is merely someone who has recognized that they’re driving a broken machine, and who has acknowledged that the one who is called Jesus Christ is their only hope to be made right. that is it. not that they are fixed, but that, because of Him, they are being made right. it is a process, to be certain. a process that goes more slowly for some than it does for others (the machine person a is driving may be in much worse condition than the machine person b is driving, for example). but it is a process He promises to finish.

He promises to finish what He starts. but He isn’t finished yet.

apples and oranges
here’s another problem i have with this argument.

we cannot compare one car to another, one that has been in the shop and one that hasn’t, and expect to have a fair comparison. so often times, though, that is precisely what some people will do.

“well i know a guy who has never stepped foot in a church,” they might say, “and he is a whole lot more like this Jesus guy you talk about than another guy i know who is in church every Sunday and who is pretty serious about his faith and church and all that.”

but this is not a fair comparison at all. you cannot compare the lives of two different people to each other (one who professes to follow Christ and one who does not) and expect to have a fair argument. we wouldn’t do that with other arguments, so why would we do that with Christ or with Christianity?

for example, you wouldn’t say, “this guy has never had knee problems at all, but that guy is always seeing the doctor and he has terrible knees!” and expect to have an argument against physicians. no, the problem is not with the physician, it is with the knees this man has had handed down to him from his parents.

the comparison must always be between the condition of the man’s knees before he ever stepped foot into the physician’s office and their condition after receiving the physician’s treatment for a period. that is how we must treat this situation if we are looking for a fair comparison.

but let’s bring it back to the conversation at hand. these people being referred to, person a and person b. these people may be driving very different cars.

two kinds of car breakdowns: inborn traits and life experience
everyone may know that car a is known for it’s engine trouble, or that car b is known to run forever. but that is not a result of the auto shop, that is just how they came. that is how they were made.

if we think about it, we all know someone who being good simply comes naturally for (the sibling who never seemed to get in trouble, for example). in the same way that some people are naturally athletic, artistic or good at fixing cars, some people are genuinely nice, caring and empathetic without really having to try. and then there are others who, try as they might, are pretty terrible people to be around (but that does not excuse them from trying). God knows this about each one of us. He, after all, created each of us. He knows the machines we are driving, and He is proud of the growth He sees in our lives, even if it isn’t readily apparent to others. or, even if the growth that has produced what is now visible goodness in your life simply cannot compare with what is natural goodness in the life of someone else who really never has had to make much effort at being good.

it makes no more sense to credit someone for the good that comes naturally in their life than to credit them for having blond hair and blue eyes. you may compliment them on how they take care of it, but the hair is naturally blond and the eyes are naturally blue not because they chose it to be so, but because that’s what they were given. they had no choice in the matter.

and then there is the life experiences we are given. each road we travel is unique. the road i travel is different from the road laid before you.

car a and car b have also had very different experiences. car a may have had a pretty tough run, first going off the road after being caught in a blinding snow storm, smashing up its entire front-end pretty badly, and then being stuck behind a gravel truck for miles, only to have it’s windshield fractured into millions of different spiderweb-like cracks. sure, it may not be the prettiest car on the road, even after it’s been in the shop a while, but you should have seen it before!

car b, on the other hand, may have had the fortune of being parked in a garage and only taken out for sunday drives here and there. it is much less likely that the damages car a experienced are likely to befall car b, for it has been removed from much of these dangers. but, again, the condition of each car is not a credit to the car itself, it is merely a result of the experiences it has had, which are so different from each other that you simply cannot compare the condition of one to the other and expect to have a fair comparison.

however, simply because car b has traveled a much easier road, it is still in need of fuel. it is still in need of general upkeep and maintenance. for, even if car b is only taken out once a week (or less) and sits untreated in the owner’s garage the rest of the time, it will not run as it should. (and that is precisely the point. it would not run as it should, not that it would not run as car a, or even car c, for that matter, runs. but it would not run as it should if it were maintained and cared for as its maker originally intended.)

both cars in this example need maintenance. one car simply needs more help than the other.

back on the road before it’s time
but then you have the other cars, the cars who after receiving treatment for minor dings in their doors are back out on the road as if everything has been taken care of. when, really, the shop owner was only just getting started. there is still much work left to be done! and yet, there they are, back on the road as if everything was taken care of, all the while their rear bumper drags along the road, causing sparks as it goes. or the brakes, still in need of repair, squeal at every opportunity, causing an earache for anyone near.

and the real trouble with such machines is that often times the driver thinks, because they have been in the shop, that they are better than those other cars on the road who have yet to spend time with the shop owner, who have yet to have his careful, attentive hands make much-needed repairs on their machines. no, this car is not better, in fact, it’s making things far worse for those cars who have yet to go in the shop. for, after seeing this car, they will now likely refuse to do so themselves.

“if that’s how i will turn out after going there, you can count me out!” or something along those lines, is their likely response.

they will refuse the very thing they need because of this driver’s error. yes, that is when the real trouble comes in.

one final point
i would like to close with this point. when we are truly broken down, we must look outside ourselves for help. a broken machine cannot fix itself. it must have the help of the One who knows its every intricacies if it desires true repair. for our ultimate problem, we must look to Him who has already paid our price. who is waiting to begin the work it will take to get us to where we ought to be.

from what i have experienced in my own life and those i know, as well as from what i have read in His Word, God is not in the business of towing broken down cars off the road against their will. in the same way that mechanics don’t just drive around looking for broken down cars to bring into their shops, God doesn’t pull people into His loving presence against their will.

no, if i find my vehicle broken down and in need of repair, i must pickup the phone to call and ask for help. it is the only way i will find it. sometimes the phone is handed to us, sometimes it is the only thing left, but every time, it is up to us to make the phone call to Him, the only One who can repair us. and when we come to Him for help with our brokenness, we will find Him waiting patiently for us. as though He had nothing else to do but wait for our call. and when we arrive, He will welcome us with open arms. arms that have desired to hold us for so long. arms that desire our comfort and our care. arms that catch our tears. arms that know exactly what we need, even if we don’t. arms that feel like home.

but it begins with our call. and so call we must.

 

days like this: rain, sun and eternity

on days like this, when you go to bed and it’s raining outside, and you wake up only to find that it’s still raining, it’s easy to feel like that’s how it’s always been. like this is how it’s always going to be. it can become tough to remember when it was actually sunny outside. at least, that’s how it is for me, on days like this.

the truth, of course, is that it hasn’t always been this way. the truth is that there are sunny days ahead. and once those sunny days are here, these misty, rainy, wet and dreary days will be a thing of the past. the sun will be so bright and warm and comforting that the rain will seem like a bad dream. the roles will be reversed, and it’ll actually be hard to imagine living so many consecutive days in the darkness, in the rain.

the rain can become so overwhelming sometimes. the darkness. the dreariness. and it’s at these times that my heart aches for the lightness, for the warmth of the sun.

an eternal perspective

i can’t help but feel like it’s days like this that are there to remind me of my eternal perspective. or, what should be an eternal perspective.

it’s so easy for me to get caught up in the day-to-day busyness of my schedule and lose sight of the eternal. it’s so easy to place my worth, my time and my perspective on the things of this world. and, if this was all there was to life (you live, you die, end of story), then that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. then my focus should be on the things of this world.

a thing of the past

but, if that’s not how it is, if the end of this life isn’t the end of us, then my perspective must be on things beyond this life. i must remember that it’s not always going to be this way (no matter how long, dark and dreary the days seem to be). i must remember that the rain will soon be a thing of the past, that there is a light ahead, and that’s what i must run after.

 

outreach: God’s windows

i’ve recently been struck with a thought about God’s work in my life, and the point of such work. and, as often is the case, a picture has come to mind that has helped to illustrate this point.

dirty windows

the image is of a dusty, dirty window pane. it’s sunny outside, but inside it’s still dim, for the sun cannot shine through the window in its current state. the result is a stuffy, hot room full of dust.

and i see now that this window pane is me. it is my life. and i see that, while i am not nearly as dusty as i once were, there are still significant splotches of dust, dirt and grime that He desires to cleanse so that He can shine His light through me, and into the lives of others.

about sin

sin is one of those words that people in the church are pretty used to. maybe even ambivalent toward, you might say. but use this word with someone outside of the church, someone who is not used to hearing it on a regular basis, and you will more than likely be met with a cringe. why? because by using the word sin, you’re implying that i am doing something wrong. and, in order for something i have done to be wrong, there have to be rules by which we know the difference between right and wrong. now, without going down a road i have no intention of walking in this entry, i will say that if there is no right and wrong, then everything else i am about to say makes little difference.

with that being said, this image of a dirty, dusty window has taught me something about the sin in my life. it has taught me that, as long as sin persists to remain in my life, then God cannot shine as brightly through my life as He desires, which, i believe, was the entire reason i was saved, so that He can shine through my life and into the lives of others. specifically, those who are waiting to see Him for what He is: the ultimate fulfillment of all we have ever wanted and needed, whether we realize it or not.

it is all too easy to lose sight of the forest for the trees when it comes to the sin in my own life. “if only i could just beat this whole pride thing, if only my thought life were where it should be, if only i would treat others as i treat and care for my own needs and desires…” those are the kind of thoughts i have when it comes to the sin in my own life, and i feel as though God is trying to tell me that i am sorely missing the point. i feel as though He is trying to tell me that my relationship with Him is not about my pride, or my sinful thoughts, or my lack of charity, but that it is about my walk with Him. that, if only my heart would be tied so intimately to His, that the dust and dirt of pride, sinful thoughts and selfishness would fall by the wayside. that, as long as my focus is on these things, then my focus is not on Him, where it belongs, and He cannot work as deeply in my life as He could were my focus to remain on Him.

barricades

there’s another analogy i have found helpful when it comes to the topic of sin, and that is comparing God’s commandments for our lives to that of road barricades. you know, those concrete walls in the medians of the freeway, or the cables that stretch tight to prevent wayward cars from crossing over into oncoming traffic. these barriers are there for a reason. they’re there, ultimately, to minimize the damage of traffic collisions. they’re there for our safety.

you could make the same comparison to police officers and traffic laws. there is little else in this world that makes me as nervous as that of a police officer when i am driving. i don’t even have to be doing anything wrong and i can become extremely nervous that i am going to be pulled over for something. and yet, the real reason police officers exist and traffic laws are in place are for my personal safety, and for the safety of those i share the road with.

in the same way, God has placed ‘traffic laws’ (if you will) in our lives for our own protection, and for the protection of those we share this walk with. we may not always like them, and they may (at times) seem constricting, but we must never doubt that He desires our own good, and that, knowing all things, He has shared these precepts with us that will lead us away from a life of pain and destruction and into a life of living in His goodness.

does that mean that if i obey God and His commandments at every opportunity i will not have trials and pain? absolutely not. we know better than that. the apostle paul, for example, went from living a life of wealth and honor as he sought the execution of Christians to a life of imprisonment, loneliness and, ultimately, death, as he was used by God to bring Christ to many.

no, we cannot expect a pain-free life for following obediently after Him. we are on the same roads, after all, of people who are driving by their own rules, and who, from time to time, will nudge and bump our lives. and yet, if taken on an individual basis, our decisions to follow Him, rather than our own sinful desires, will bring us greater good than the alternative.

shining clearly

my point in saying all of this is that it is not about the sheen of dust on the windows of our lives, or that spot of dirt, but it is about living our lives open and receptive to His call.

is sin bad? is it wrong to be selfish, prideful, lustful, greedy, etc? absolutely! so bad, in fact, that it took the life of a perfect, holy and blameless man to pay for each of your sinful choices (and mine). but rather than being about focusing on what we have done wrong in the past, the Christian life must be about coming to Him in humble, daily obedience, so that He can shine His light through us as He desires. as He has always desired.

there are people in my own life who i know God desires to reach, and who i know He wants to shine through me to reach with His own goodness, and His light is being dimmed by each sinful choice i make. as i (and as you) strive to make deliberate choices each day to turn toward Him, we are turning away from ourselves and closer to the clear windows that He desires for each one of us. we will not get there in this life, but each and every act of obedience for Him turns us more and more into His likeness, into the crystal clear windows He desires to shine through.

i pray that you would not lose sight of the forest for the trees. i pray that you would not be so hard on yourself about the mistakes you have made, or that you continue to make, about your heart that turns so naturally to selfishness and sinful choices, that you lose sight of Him. i pray that your vision would rest firmly on His love and His grace, on His face that desires your heart of obedience. and that, through your steadfast fixation on Him, that He would shine through you in such a way that His grace, love and compassion is made known to all of those who know you and who are being made known to you.

 

poured out for Him

taken at once from being indoors (even in the most comfortable of surroundings) to the outdoors, seated on a bench that is perched on a green, grass-covered island, surrounded by a neatly manicured pond, seated here beside two naked birch trees, near passing, babbling water, i am moved from feeling pent up and sedentary to a place where i feel as though God is moving freely through my thoughts. almost in sync with the current as it glides slowly beside me. and that’s the way it usually is for me: put me outside, by water, and i seem to be in my most natural state, a state that flourishes in His presence.

a faint whisper

it wasn’t long ago that i was running by the bay after a day of work. my favorite spot to enjoy one of my favorite activities. it is from this spot, on a clear day, that i can take in stunning views of both snow-capped mountains in the distance and sweeping views of the bay, with sail boats slowly gliding in and out of the harbor. their masts like flagposts, all neatly nestled in row after row. and it is jogging along the walking path that lines the perimeter of the harbor that i find my most intimate times with The Father. times where i feel as though he speaks directly to me, almost as though he’s whispering directly in my ear. or, more appropriately, directly into my thoughts.

it was during a recent run that i had this line repeated over and over again in my thoughts:

“pour yourself out for me, and I will pour Myself into you.”

and as this line has repeated itself to me over the past couple weeks, i have been contemplating what it means. what does it look like to pour myself out? what does it look like to be emptied of myself, for Him?

off the bench and into the game

recently, i was taking this thought to mean that i needed to do away with all of myself (exchanging my desires for His, exchanging my pleasures for His, etc), so that He can work more clearly through my life, and into the lives of others. and recent experiences seemed only to support this.

several weeks ago i began volunteering at a local food bank, which has been, up to this point, one of the single most fulfilling experiences of my life. it is as though my eyes have been open for the first time to the reason i have all that i have: to serve. to love (in a very real, a very practical way) those who are hurting, those who are in need. while working there (if i can call it ‘work’), i couldn’t help but feel as though my eyes had been opened for the first time. it was then that i saw how He desires to use us, His followers, to be a light in the dark, to bring comfort to the hurting.

it was as though i had been in the classroom studying gametape after gametape, and in the gym day after day practicing plays, over and over again. and now, at long last, the coach had called me into the game, and i see now what it was all for. the purpose for all the practice, for all the teaching. it was all there for this: to put it all into use for Him, to care for His people. and i couldn’t feel more fulfilled.

as i poured myself out (by moving existing obligations and activities in my schedule to make room to volunteer, as well as moving out of my comfort zone and putting myself in an unfamiliar place where i knew exactly zero people), He filled me up wholly and completely with Himself (with joy, with comfort and with an incredible sense of encouragement), almost as if to say, “see. I told you.”

same experience, different results

and yet, when i consider this experience, i realize that someone else could have the been placed in the exact same situation without having the same experience. someone else could be tasked with serving the hungry and fail to see how this is a prime example of being His hands and feet. instead of feeling fulfilled, they could feel out of place, or somehow uncomfortable, rather than properly used, if almost for the first time in their life, as i have.

in the same way that one person will feel most comfortable, most close to Him, from the comfort of a warm couch, hot cocoa in one hand, His Word in the other, seated beside a crackling fire, or, perhaps knelt in prayer, either in a church pew or beside their bed, or even listening to their favorite song, i feel most near to Him under a clear, blue sky, breathing in the cool air washing in off of the ocean waters. it is just how we are, precisely how He created us. each of us with our unique traits, preferences and interests.

and that is when i began to see that His desire for me to pour out myself was not a call for me to become something of a Christ-following automaton. quite the opposite, in fact. His desire is to work through me, using the gifts, personality and desires that He created me with in such a way that i would uniquely share with others His goodness and His glory. the humor and compassion i use to convey Christ’s goodness may be quite different from the approach someone else might take. and yet, one is not necessarily better or worse than the other (they may be received differently, based on the particular recipient, but one is not better or worse in and of itself).

each approach is divinely appointed and orchestrated by His hand. He gave me this personality for a reason. He gave me this heart for a reason. He gave you your self for a reason, and each and every intricate detail it consists of, all for the sole purpose of His glory being displayed and shared for others to see. all so that you, and i, can display His goodness to others.

poured out of what?

what then? what are we being poured out of, if it isn’t ourselves?

i can only speak for myself, as i have only seen how He desires to work in my life to use me to work in the lives of others (like a little bit of yeast, working throughout the entire batch of dough), but i can tell you that He is, day by day, pouring out my selfish heart. pouring it out and filling it with more of His compassion, more of His charity and generosity. the glimmer of it that was there before He began His good work is slowly increasing. gradually forming me more and more into His likeness.

it will be a long process, and i am far from being there, but i am confident that He is indeed at work. and the more i pour out myself, by obediently seeking ways in which i can substitute my own selfish, and even prideful, desires so that He may be glorified, He will pour Himself into my life more and more.

i am confident that, if you allow Him, He will do the same for you. He will use the rich, unique gifts He has blessed you with, paired with more of Himself and His presence, in a way that allows others to see Him through your hands and your feet. if you let Him. but you (and i) must take the first step.

 

love: the cross of Christ

on this day, “Good Friday”, the day we remember Christ’s crucifixion, i cannot help but be overcome with sadness. sadness for the excruciating pain that Christ felt, sadness for the loneliness and abandonment He went through as His disciples fled as He was beaten and persecuted. and yet, i find great joy in this day, for this sadness is a thin veil for the incredible joy that is to come.

the why of the cross

many images come to mind when i consider this day and the cross of Jesus Christ. i imagine the aslan character of c.s. lewis’ famous chronicles of narnia series, walking steadfast toward the altar that he would be slaughtered on, as the wild beasts around Him hunch back in fear that He might lash out at them at any moment, which he could. yet he never does. He knows why he is there, and he came to see it through. i am deeply thankful to c.s. lewis for painting such a vivid picture of the restrained power on Jesus’ part as He was lead to His death.

and i think of a sermon i heard several years ago, where the pastor shouted, “don’t you dare be sorry for Him! He made the choice to go to the cross! and He did that for you, out of love. no, don’t be sorry for Him, for that is a slap in His face.”

if the cross of Christ was unintentional, if He did not desire to be crucified, then we would have every right to be sorry for Him. but that is not the case. no, it was out of love that He refused to back down when given the opportunity to deny that He was the Christ. that is what drove Christ to the cross that day. that is what allowed Him to not relent when the loneliness, fatigue, shame and pain set in. no, He simply could not. why? because it was always about His love for us. and that love was and is greater than anything that stood in His way.

He knew exactly what it meant for Him to be lifted up and crucified. it meant the salvation of the world! it was so that God’s love could be made known to all generations. and He saw that, clearly. that, that is what drove Christ to the cross.

to bring us home

did Christ suffer? absolutely! more than we will ever know. but it was not because He had a masochistic father who took joy in bringing His Son pain; it was because both the Father and the Son knew that His pain would bring healing for our pain. and, ultimately, that it would bring us the right-standing with The Father that He had always enjoyed.

but this once, on this day, that was a position He did not enjoy. no, He gave it up for our sake. that we might be called His sons and His daughters.

Oh what love it took to walk steadfast to the Cross that day! Oh what determination it took! may we never forget or minimize that act of love. may it stand ever present in our minds as the ultimate symbol of His love for us and His desire to bring us home to Himself. and may we find great joy and comfort in that, even in His pain, even in his suffering.

 

service: His light shining through us

when seen most clearly, the Gospel is a call to serve. i was recently convicted of this truth more clearly than i have been convicted of anything in a very long while.

the line

i stepped out of my car, dressed in my business attire, and i walked toward the food bank to deliver a proposal. we have worked with the food bank in the past, and they had recently approached us for some help with their web site and print materials. i was happy to help, as not every business opportunity that comes my way has such an admirable mission. most do not.

but as i approached the food bank, i realized i had come during their food distribution hours. or immediately prior, as people were lining up in front of the building waiting for it to open. i walked by the line and i suddenly felt as though someone kicked me squarely in the gut. i was overwhelmed with a sense of anguish and guilt for those before me (why was i not among those in this line?). and, as i approached the building’s entrance, my eyes fell on one girl in particular. from what i could tell, she must have been around my age, and her clothes did not identify her as in need; had you passed her on the street you would not have thought she was in poverty. but the thing that struck me most was that this girl never looked up. she sat, rather than stood, in line, her back to the building, her eyes on the pavement below her, head down in shame. and my heart went out to her.

i quickly walked past the line of people, through the doors they were waiting on to open, and i delivered the proposal to one of their staff inside. i apologized for coming at such a time, an apology she quickly shook off, and i left. as i walked out, my eyes caught those of a man waiting for the food bank to open, dressed in his own work attire (much less formal than my own), and i immediately wanted to tear off the outfit that only earlier that morning i had been so excited to wear. a new outfit i had recently bought on a trip to seattle. each item of clothing a luxury i did not deserve. this outfit that only hours before had given me pride, now made me sick to my stomach, and appeared to me now as trash. stinking, rotting trash, clinging to my body. as i drove back to my office, i couldn’t shake my sense of guilt and anguish. and it stayed with me the rest of the day, visibly affecting me.

time, meals

as i left the food bank that day, i felt convicted about who i have been spending my time with, and who i have been sharing meals with lately.

my involvement in our home church has led me to spend much of my free time with churchgoers. youth, young married couples, church leaders. and i found myself thinking that perhaps this wasn’t the best use of my time. that perhaps my time would be better spent with those who don’t already know the gospel.

for both vocational and personal purposes, i have arranged a number of recent meals with several prominent and influential local business people. meals i have enjoyed. meals that have given me a certain amount of pride.

and, after the food bank experience, my mind immediately wandered to Jesus’ ministry, and who He chose to spend His time with. i remembered a passage from the book of matthew where Jesus rebukes a group of self-righteous pharisees who critique Him for spending so much time with people who, in their minds, were dirty, filthy and undeserving of His attention.

when the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ’sinners’?” on hearing this, Jesus said, “it is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick… for I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

if Jesus spent so much time with the ’sick’ during His time, then surely He must call us to the same way of life?

shells and bubbles

later that evening, while my wife and i were running some errands around town, we drove by a billboard for a local Christian radio station. this sign for a radio station i listen to on a daily basis now caused me to secretly feel ill. it was the same sick feeling i had experienced earlier that day as i left the food bank.

the billboard we drove by displayed a picture of a beautiful, smiling family. all dressed in white, laughing and sharing a moment together against a blue backdrop. the sign also carried a series of inspirational words (which i cannot recall now), and referenced the name of this particular Christian radio station.

and i couldn’t help but think to myself, “is that what this is all about?” did Christ die so that we (His believers and devoted followers) can create clean, tidy, american-dream bubbles around ourselves? so that we can wear our Christian turtle shells, which separate us from the outside world? all the while people in our very own hometown go hungry? interestingly enough, this billboard was less than a half mile from the food bank i had visited earlier that day. the food bank with its line full of hungry, shamed faced. which makes me wonder, how does that make the Church look? how does that make the Christian faith look? how many of the food bank’s volunteers are giving their time on a regular basis because of what Jesus Christ has done for them? i hope those people make up the majority of the volunteer staff there. but i fear that’s not the case. and that kills me. it kills me that, though professing faith in One who laid down His life for my own, i give so very little of my own time to ‘die’ for others. that i so rarely die to myself, and die to my own selfish desires, as He called me to.

again in the book of matthew, jesus said:

no one can serve two masters. either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. you cannot serve both God and money.

it seems, i fear, that i have been serving the wrong master. i have been serving my own comfort and desires, rather than God. and i fear the same is true of the Church. building up this wall of comfort and pleasure that separates us from them.

marked by suffering

in this clip that i have watched many times now, a clip that i have found extremely convicting and yet helpful, dr. john piper shares his wishes that the church would be marked with suffering for Christ.

oh how my heart aches and breaks for the Church. how i fear we have missed the point. how, as His bride, we have been living a life we believe to be a life of devotion, when we have actually completely missed the point. that, rather than presenting ourselves as a wholly devoted bride, instead, we come to Him with what we feel are beautiful, rich gifts of devotion (church attendance, biblical knowledge, ministry involvement, etc), yet in reality our hands are full of filthy rags, rotting trash and filth. tears stream down my face when i think that His bride, the Church (and churches), are focused on maintaining the status quo, rather than serving His people: those lost and tortured souls who so very desperately need His Light. the Light that He desires to shine through each one of us who profess faith in Him, into the lives of those who need Him most.

the point

so, what is the point of all this? the point is certainly not to volunteer at the local food bank, homeless shelter or soup kitchen so that we can put another badge on our Christian member’s only jacket, only fueling our pride and self righteousness. the point is not to come in, Christian guns ablazing, firing off “if you died today, do you know where you’d go?” kind of questions, dropping Bible tracts at every opportunity.

no, the point, as i see it, is to bring the Light that He has shone into our lives into the lives of others who need it most. and to do so with a presence of love, compassion and service. does this mean that we are simply to love others without ever bringing them what they need most (Jesus Christ)? no, absolutely not. in fact, that flies in the face of what i have said here before. rather, what that means is that Christ is so deeply ingrained in our lives (because of the life-changing work and redemption that He has achieved in our lives) that others see Him when they see us. that the goodness, kindness, love, compassion, selflessness, humility, gratitude, and more that they experience in our presence is a reflection of Him, because of Him, not because i am such a great guy, or because she is such a great gal or you are such a great person who just so happens to be blessed with a warm heart and pleasant demeanor. no, but because of the change in your and my heart that Christ has achieved. because of redemption. and because of that work, their hearts may in turn be opened and receptive to receive the love of a Savior whose heart breaks for them, for their pain, and who has desired their hearts, their devotion and their souls to be drawn near to Him, in an intimate and loving relationship for all of eternity.

that is the reason i was saved. that, and that alone, is the reason He revealed Himself to me, and that is the reason He continues to be at work in my life even now, so that He can redeem a fallen people to Himself. that is the point. and that must be the point of everything we put our hands to. all our love for all of Him.